The Power Of Snuggs
May 21, 2024
This blog is more of a difficult one for me to write. In thinking about what to say, it was hard for me to find the words, but here is my best try…
In the journey of writing a children’s book about my daughter and her lovey, which I did just for the pure fun and joy of it at first, it has definitely grown and evolved into much more than I planned on. Which has been absolutely amazing!
Along with all that, several people have reached out to me about their child, or their own personal lovey or security blanket they had as a child, etc. I have been tremendously touched by the sharing and connection I have felt from people being able to relate to my story, as well as their own stories behind it.
One in particular, brought me to tears that I did not expect.
My sister’s stepson, Andrew, died on May 21, 2022 from an aggressive form of T-cell Lymphoblastic Lymphoma and ultimately, Leukemia. He was 23 years old. For any parent to lose a child, at any age, and watch them go through something so awful is absolutely devastating for anyone. As a parent, I can’t even imagine how that must feel. My heart goes out to his parents, family and my sister-his stepmom.
Unfortunately, in life I did not know Andrew as much as I am getting to know of him after his death. Being a blended family with stepfamily and living in different cities with busy lives, that’s how it goes sometimes I suppose. One thing I know for certain about him though, is that there was and still is tons of love for this young man. I know he is terribly missed, and his absence is definitely felt. They say everything happens for a reason. Why we lose young people, or our children is something I don’t know if our minds can ever fully comprehend.
In speaking with my sister and Andrew’s mother and father about getting permission to write and post about this sensitive topic, they all whole-heartedly agreed they wanted Andrew’s memory to be shared and celebrated. They also thought that he would’ve rolled his eyes in sharing about his relation to my story, which is his own security blanket that he had up until the day he passed.
His grandmother made him this blanket before he was even born, and Andrew slept with that same blanket for all his 23 years on this planet. A short time to live, but a long time to keep such a beloved item.
In thinking about my own daughter and her lovey, I couldn’t help but feel the amount of love and security that is enveloped in such a material thing. An item as seemingly meaningless as a piece of fabric, when created or gifted with such love and intention behind it, can essentially become something so meaningful and comforting to someone.
Andrew’s grandmother picked out the fabric for him before his birth. Having him in mind before ever meeting, she handmade and created it with love especially just for him. An idea that was passed down from her own mother who enjoyed quilting. He was wrapped in its love and comforting warmth since birth. He not only kept the blanket all of his life but slept with it for 23 years. To me, that says a lot.
In a world that is full of wonderment and joy, there are also many harsh and difficult things we all go through. Some people have it harder than others, but there is no one that goes without struggle of some kind. We all must find ways to cope. Unfortunately, some people lean on some not-so-great methods like drugs, alcohol, food, even smartphones, etc. to help get through life. We all have our vices, and I am in no way judging or an exception to these. I just believe that something as harmless as a lovey, stuffie or security blanket for a child can be a beneficial tool for positive coping skills. From babies to toddlers, learning to navigate a scary world of normal daily things like sleeping by yourself in your own bed. Going to the doctor or dentist can be scary. Your first overnight at a grandparent’s house. All the way to a young man with cancer, fighting for his life. He had his blanket right there with him.
There are many people who feel that security blankets are a negative thing for a child. Actually, some of my family members were against me registering for one when I was pregnant and shopping for my baby registry. Against their advice, I registered for several anyways and I’m glad I did and didn’t take their suggestion. My sister ended up buying one, with love for her niece and it has been my daughter’s prize possession ever since. Being a first-time mom, you have no idea what to expect or do at times so you rely on advice from others, but you also must do what’s best for you and your baby. I am glad I listened to my gut when it came to this though, because my daughter is definitely a sensitive child, and her lovey, which she named “Snuggs,” has brought her much comfort over the years. What could be wrong with that? It also was part of the inspiration for me to write a children’s book.
A year or so after Andrew’s passing, I learned of his blanket. I had just self-published my book about my daughter’s lovey. The connection to Andrew and my story was one of them that made all the self-doubt, frustration, time, energy, and a host of several other feelings all worth it for me. The fact that not only kids could relate to my book but also adults was a great feeling for me.
Hearing the impact Andrew’s blanket had on him throughout his life, especially towards the end of it after such a diagnosis, was both heart-wrenching and heart warming at the same time. His grandmother made him the blanket before he was born, he kept it all his 23 years, now it sits on his mother’s shelf as a reminder of him and the love within it. He is gone but his love very much remains.
There is no better comfort, coping skill, vice, whatever word you’d like to use, than love. This is my belief. The absence of love can cause and create a whole lot of damage in a person’s life. The presence of love can do just about anything.
Andrew Hastings Sander
JANUARY 19, 1999 – MAY 21, 2022
